One of the broader approaches to cosmology is asking those sticky questions of who am I and sometime why me?
I find myself being both amused and annoyed at the universe for the moment. Remember a few posts back when I quoted a fellow priest that No man escapes from their wyrd? I could have also followed that with be careful what you wish for.
My wyrd at the moment seems to be struggling with codependency and worth issues. Specifically shame at my own happiness or that somehow my being happy isn't as important as the other people in my life and their happiness. Confused? Its okay. I'll break it down.
A common statement in my house is "If it wasn't for you, I'd be able to do x" X could be anything from quitting a job thats being a problem to taking a longer shower because there's not enough hot water in the hot water heater. I have heard rumors that for non-codependent people this is a pretty simple mathematical equation of boundaries and what resources are readily available. You deal with it, make compromises and move on. I hear statements like that and I automatically assume that I have fucked something up and that I either need to immediately stop for the other person or somehow make sure that what resources I do have are completely used towards the other person and their happiness.
This being the season for balance between light and dark or balance in all things, the quandary for me becomes how to have self worth and good boundaries without being a total dick to those around you and how to have compassion without being perceived as too soft.
That process for me being a constant reminder to ground, center, shield and seek advice when needed and the reminder that this too shall pass.
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