Invocations for Self Blessing

Starhawk once said that all ritual is a chance for transformation as long as we allow it to be. One of the tools like I like using in my own transformation process of rebuilding my self esteem is a litany of previous successes.

If you want to be really spiritual about it you can cast circles and invoke whatever diety of choice you work with and burn your favorite incense.

The trick is being willing to deliberately invoke positive past experiences even when you aren’t feeling positive about your present. There are always times when you nailed a recipe, had someone befriend you or even fall in love with you, successfully cooked your favorite meal, achieved a fitness goal etc.  

There are times I do go through the process of writing each success out and then when the ore challenging days of Not enough happen I pull out the paper or computer copy and remember what had been positive and remind myself that it will be positive again.

One of my other process that I like to use in addition to the positive litany is a mirror. I have always struggled with a positive self image.  In Jambalaya Luisha TIesh offers a self esteem/blessing where you anoint each body part is anointed with your favorite scented oil and you say Thank you, my ________.

Much like learning to stay mindful when you first start meditating the biggest challenge is to recognize when you start to self hex yourself by going into the negative self image and pause long enough to do something different.

Pause and Reset

So what do you do when you realize that your self esteem has taken a hit and it is time to make a change?

In our previous articles I have laid out a sort of theory foundation for starting the recovery process.  I included a basic structure for maintaining and/pr restructuring of dynamic balance in our lives. I am continuing a basic discussion of foundational ritual practices before you actually do anything else. Like using a good primer to make paint last longer, these practices help tools like positive affirmation or even wiccan specific practices of underworld journeys be more effective.

In most metaphysical traditions there are the twin practices of grounding and centering before any type of real meditation can begin.  Grounding is the process of connecting to the earth energy around us and centering can be best described as pulling the energy around us to our point of balance so that we can use it throughout our day. Developing the self discipline to ground and center multiple times throughout the day does increase your own ability to combat negative self talk when it arises and assists in better decision making skills that are not purely reactionary.

Grounding basics:

Stop what your doing.

Stand or sit with your back straight. (Good posture does help the muscles relax.)

Take three deep breaths to exhale the stale, stressy energy.

Close your eyes and imagine that you are a tree and that your feet are roots going deep into the earth.

When you feel/sense that you are completely connected to the earth begin drawing that core earth energy into your being through your roots.

When you are ready it is time to move on to the second phase called grounding….

When you feel the energy flowing from your feet to your head imagine that energy condensing into a centralized place in your body or your natural center of gravity. (For some people this is the solar plexus or gut area. For myself it is the base of my spine or my root chakra.)

Stay here for a few more moments and when you are ready to can move back on to the rest of your day or ritual.

When confronting negative thought patterns and being willing to change them this is a major practice.  In her Udemy course Freedom to Choose Something Different Pema Chodron describes this as a 3 step process. When you start getting hooked into your cycle either a cycle of behavior patterns or emotional responses the first step is to notice that you are getting hooked. The second step is taking that pause. The pause can be a few seconds to several minutes but it is noticing that you are at the crossroads. The third step is choosing to do something different.

It is through the consistent observation of our destructive mental processes and being able to stop it do we obtain the release and the relief of choosing to go down a different path.  More on that to come.

Blessed Be.

The Role of Ritual and Healing

“Do as thou wilt shall be the whole of the law. Love under law, love under will.”

• Aleister Crowley

Our theme is recovery and effectively handling chronic illnesses.  I am a 3rd degree witch/priestess of an eclectic wiccan tradition and I am a former chemical dependency counselor. I currently struggle with my own chronic illnesses of depression, type 2 diabetes and autonomic neuropathy as well as retinal neuropathy.  In this article I want to start discussing the use of magic and ritual in recovery and healing self esteem including becoming self actualized.

Magic was once defined by Mr Crowley as the science and art of causing change to occur in conformity to will.   Ritual is often added at this point as the process by which we harness our will to create that change.  

Rebuilding self esteem is the cornerstone of successfully managing the stresses of chronic illness and recovery. There are several approaches to how this is done.  I want to propose that while there can appear to be a clear cut difference between a mundane and spiritual approach to the matter creating that change hinges on intent or recognizing that something needs to change and having a singular focus to fix the issue.   

The other day I was revisiting my teacher’s edition book of shadows that our tradition uses. I was reminded of how we have taught the process of maintaining the cycles of balance. As this information is widely available in other printed forms I do not feel out of place publishing it here. Maintaining cycles of balance in any area of life there are five basic principles:

Intention

Preparation

Invocation

Purification

Consecration.

I bring this up because these really are the steps to effectively rebuilding our self esteem. Our intention is recognizing that we need to alter how we are evaluating our worth. The process to fix that ends up being the other points whether we are invoking the use of a therapist or magical tools we still end up needing to detox the negative judgment and the recognize that we are something pretty amazing.  In a different vein we can ask some questions of ourselves as a part of identifying what we need to rebuild by asking if we have become stuck because we are overly focused or worried about our problems? Have we forgotten who we are? Do we understand the power that resides in us?  Once we can honestly answer those questions we can take a look at practical and magical ways to create the changes that we need.

Now that I have satisfied my own need to share my foundational knowledge there will be future articles on different processes both mundane and spiritual to consider for your bag of tricks.

Changing the direction of the Blog.

In 1996 I graduated from Minneapolis Community College with a degree in Chemical Dependency Counseling.  An AA that covered a mainly behavioral modification approach to recovery but included a liberal introduction to the 12 step program of AA and other introspective approaches like Gestalt and Freudian psychoanalysis.  Self efficacy was the buzzword of the day. According to Wikipedia the accepted definition of self efficacy is the extent or strength of one's belief in one's own ability to complete tasks and reach goals. In the modern world of self help books the buzzword is empowerment and sometimes self esteem. Most of my professional career as a counselor and then later as a peer counselor and priestess, it interests me that we as a culture continually dance with this issue of self efficacy, self esteem, and empowerment. I want to spend some time looking at each concept  and relating them specifically to how they fit into the world of recovery whether it is from addiction issues to coping effectively with chronic illnesses.

Self esteem is usually defined as a personal subjective emotional evaluation of their own worth. (Wikipedia). Empowerment refers to measures designed to increase the degree of autonomy and self-determination in people and in communities in order to enable them to represent their interests in a responsible and self-determined way, acting on their own authority. Empowerment refers both to the process of self-empowerment and to professional support of people, which enables them to overcome their sense of powerlessness and lack of influence, and to recognise and eventually to use their resources and chances.

In situations where an individual is dealing with recovery from addiction issues or with the ability to handle a chronic illness self worth becomes a mitigating factor in the quality of self efficacy unless there are additional entities empowering the one needing healing.  

In the inpatient program I worked in, we spent a lot of time discussing with our clients Maslow's Hierarchy of needs and how they related to their ability to recover and keep from relapsing. To this day I include a discussion of Maslow’s Hierarchy of needs in most of my wicca classes when we start discussing ethics. My personal view is that when most individuals are performing magic spells or workings it is because one of those needs are not being met.[Spells are typically used in the wiccan community to effect the outside world while workings are typically used to change the mindset/perception of the individual performing the ritual.]

For a very brief introduction on Maslow’s Hierarchy of needs Abraham Maslow postulated that there was a pyramid scheme of conditions that needed to be met before a person could be self actualized or fully realize one’s potential. The base of the pyramid is called physiological referring to food, clothing, shelter. The second layer called safety, the third love/belonging, the fourth esteem, then finally self actualization. The theory goes that if part of the foundation is missing or challenged then it is harder to have positive self esteem that leads to self actualization.  There are several studies that back this information up. Including recent studies that showed most incarcerated individuals are in their predicament because they were attempting to fill the basic needs of food, clothing and safety.  

When the individual is faced with rebuilding their life and coping with the chaos of addiction and chronic illness self efficacy/actualization can become ab daunting task even with the support of close and extended family. There is an emotional toll and real time consequences of lack of resources as well as adjusting to a new normal of what your body can physically and emotionally manage.  

My intent over the next several articles is to share my research and practical experience on approaches to recovery.  I will freely admit I struggle. I struggle with depression and not feeling good enough but it is my hope that by sharing what i have learned it will bring hope and light to someone else in need and give other therapists and supporters tools to use in the future.

Blessed Be.

Downtime Disaster Kit and Procedures

I love my job. We have a well defined process for everything. There is a certain amount of comfort in knowing that there is a plan.  In class today I was reminded of the process around what happens when our servers fail and where to locate the things we would need to still continue to function.  One my my biggest frustrations with my health at the moment is that there really is no Disaster Kit.

Insurance is a beautiful luxury. Having folks to call on and physically be there is also a luxury. What happens when despite all the planning and having the luxuries of insurance, people, and the ability to execute the plan fail? Bouncing back from failure is not something we are really trained to do in our culture. We talk about it in grand terms like resiliency and efficacy but at the end of the day what does that really mean?

When I was in training to be a chemical dependency counselor we discussed efficacy as the ability to bounce back from negative situations and those talks were usually attached to a process called brief therapy.  Essentially beginning problem solving starting with If your life was suddenly perfect what would like look like? Followed by additional questions of what are the steps you can take now to move in that direction.

We get so bogged down into manifesting the big picture we forget that it happens in incremental stages that only a snail or glaciers can appreciate.  What I find most frustrating is that while I have asked myself those questions I am not even sure my vision of a perfect outcome would ever be possible. A body free from physical pain and other unspoken heart fantasies. However, the reality is I would like a couple of long discussions with my healthcare team and support group on what realistic outcomes are of our current course and what can be done to stay as healthy as I can for as long as I can and to be loved for as long as I can. Is that really too much to ask?

Dancing With Fear

My own health issues are very much reminding me of the paradox of this existence. Fragile yet paradoxically strong. Weak yet amazingly resilient. The opposite is also true. One minute you can be going on course and the next the rug gets pulled out from under you.

My challenge right now is finding that resiliency not just daily but moment to moment as well. Each hour has its challenges as does each doctors visit. My suspicion is that most of us go through this even though we choose not to talk about it. 

At the depths of my bewilderment I wonder at the wisdom of the 

 for keeping me alive. A middle aged, not fertile woman who has lost her ability to take care of others physically and can barely take care of her self. But I think. I think a lot. Sometime about my cat sometimes about more seriously things like tonight's insomnia and trying to get through it. While it is temting to go on a poor me bent this has more to do with reminding me of what has helped in the past and hopefully helping someone else out there too. 

1. Be okay with knowing you are not always going to have all the W's answered of Who, What, When,Where, Who< How and especially Why.

2. Meditate on the Heart Sutra.  I realize its a Buddhist text but it is timeless truth.  Form is Emptimess and Emptiness is form.  Its not that the confusion and pain I am feeling isn't real its more that in the long run it doesn't matter.  Its core is illusion. 

3. Mindfulness meditation will reground you and can save your life. In Fail, Fail Again, Fail Better Pema Chodon recounts a meeting with her teacher where she felt her world was falling apart. They were meditating and he was about to leave without her being able to get the advice she needed. Long story short her guru told her that life is like the waves of the water. It ebbs and flows. It is our job to learn to walk in it and accept that we will get knocked down by those waves sometimes but we will also get back up again. 

So I encourage myself and any of you needing it that like the ebb and flow of the water there will be good moments and there will be not so good moments but they are only moments. This too will pass. 

Sacred Sexuality and the Culture of Rape

And it harm none, do as thou wil.

- Wuccan Reed

Do as thou wilt shall be the whole of the law. 

Love under law, Love under will. 

Aliester Crowley

We are all connected. We are connected to each other. We are connected to the very earth we walk and live on. We are connected through every fiber of the universe. 

My various readings of the new year have indicated that opportunity for heaing and abundance comes through good character and discipline. One of the issues that I struggle with both on the giving and receiving end is feeling dehumanized and just a number or just a paycheck or just another vagina. I fall into the temptation of looking at other humans as the same just another means to an end. I witnessed a behavior last night that reminded me this has to stop if we expect to build positive relationships with each other and promote compassion. Instead of focusing on being offended at what the other person did, I have been using it as a personal inventory tool and felt a very strong desire to publish my musings mainly for myself. 

We bitch frequently about the culture of rape in America especially in the feminist camps.  I think it is time to really look at the over all dehumanization of people especially when it comes to our sexual relationships and sexual experiences. 

Sex is many things.  I think it is fun. I think it should be an expression of love between two people. I do not think that sex should every be used as a weapon or a tool of cohersion nor should people be manipulated into having sex. 

The problem with manipulation and coercion is that we turn something that should be for the multal enjoyment of the parties involved into an obligation. You owe me sex because of xyz, Bullshit. Sex is a privilege not a right. 

If we are truly practicing compassion we are seeing the other person as real an honoring what they enjoy. Forcing things for our own enjoyment is not love, its greed.  Just some food for thought.