Happy Ostara or Spring Equinox To the Rest of the World

It feels odd that we here in Minnesota are thawing out.
No snow on the ground in the southern part and I am able to have coffee on my front porch without freezing. (A ritual from back in the day when I was a smoker,)

Ostara is about new beginnings, fresh starts and hope for a brighter future.

In a Wiccan context it is the time of the year when the Great Goddes as Maiden is exploring her world and being in wonder and awe of it. It is also about being in balance as there is an equilibrium that is naturally happening that can be tapped into to balance out our lives in the most mundane ways and spiritual ways.

There is much that I am grateful for that is in the most delicate stages of a new beginning. For me, I can be hot tempered and impatient so I have to take extra steps to be more experiential orientated than goal orientated. I am continuing to walk the path of a dharma pagan to better cultivate having a calmer spirit and more patience.

As we progress through the early part of spring, I would offer up this simple meditation to help keep things in balance....

Find one white or light stone and one dark stone in equal size
Hold white stone in right hand and dark stone in left hand while you meditate on your energy and your life being in complete balance.

When you are done leave the stones on your altar as a reminder that the Goddess is a benevolent goddess and will give you all that you need for your successful growth.

While I may complain about certain circumstances, this is the meditation I use to remind me that all things are in balance and there will be good to balance out the bad.

Happy Spring!

Note if you would like more information or reiki training or healing please contact me. 

March Full Moon Ramblings for my own benefit...

In a few days the full moon of March will be here and I am getting itchy. Feeling my power if you will but also know that it needs to be diverted for just a moment for my healing process.  I mentioned earlier learning the differences between dreams and predictive dreams.

I can hear the groans now but because I am starting a new seeker program and will be doing a lot more documentation than normal its observation and note taking.

You can have the best written dream interpretation material out there but only you really understand your own symbols.

For instance, if I am just dreaming for the sake of rem I actually dream in black and white and it is not first person point of view. I dream and remember most of my life as if I am watching myself on a movie screen. (Yes, dissociation from emotional abuse and spiritual abuse as a kid.However, dissociation can also be a part of trance but I will get into that later......)

At one point I read that if you dream between 3am and 6am on a regular sleep schedule it is usually precognitive in nature. This is debatable depending on what constitutes a normal sleep schedule. The bigger difference is that my precog dreams are in color and usually have a particular sound/tone to them.

When you study something like witchcraft or divination in general and you are keeping a dream journal it is just as important to write down how the information is being communicated to you as much as the information itself. All leads to helping understand if its too much pizza or the divine talking to you.

Interpretation is tricky. If I am working something out in my brain it usually comes up as a zombie dream. If the situation is solvable I usually find some place of safety. If not, then I get eaten. That might not be the case for you. Just the thought of zombies may make it a lose/lose situation entirely. Chipping teeth in the common literature usually indicates feeling ashamed or guilty about something. For me, it means I am grinding my teeth again. My point being its only through documentation and critical evaluation that helps interpret the dream.

So about today's dream.  I am still waiting for confirmation. What I do remember is that it was in color and a scrying pool with a scene of a lot of wind. Being we are heading into a spring equinox and I am going through my own refocusing and healing, I interpret it as positive change is coming as surely as spring itself and to expect a pretty blistery Idles of March and that the personal transformation I am seeking will be bumpy but will happen. Since Grandmother Spider is also happily in my minds eye weaving her web and not getting tossed about, I am also going to place a safe bet that I am making the connections I need to for the transformation to be positive and strong.

With that, I will note that I am still attempting to be a little more deliberate about the posts and working out process and goddess theology stuff.  The flavor might change a little as I am working with a new to me teacher as well. We will see. I am looking forward to the adventure and am remembering the words of the great mother: we will never find without until we find it within first.

Blessed Be.  

BDSM Lifestyle and 50 Shades of No Thank You.....

I am going to out myself here. Some of you may choose to stop reading or associating with me but the only people I cared about knowing are no longer on this earth so here it goes....

I am a submissive pain slut and service submissive. I have been for many years. I have been to parties, meet ups and discussion groups and have done a ton of reading and talking. Not an academic expert but an armchair expert no the less.

I read 50 Shades of Grey but I will not see the film.  I think it over simplifies a cultural divide and many people will read and see it because it talks about sex and we are ever so curious about sex but to afraid to actually talk about it plainly.

My most recent mood is being overshadowed by an unwarented media take that bdsm sex boils down to sadistic males being abusing to masoginistic females and god help you if you are a part of it.

There is a lot I would like to say but to be empowing and a lady: stop punishing those of use who are not in a monogamous, straight lifestyle choice. Its that simple. Just because I like sadistic sex does not mean my partner is abusing me or disempowering me.

There is a very plain line between between being in a scene with someone and all acts being consensual and non consenual sex. If your partner says no or red or your safe word you're done. If you go beyond it its non consensual.

Most vanilla type people look at us and assumea variety of things.

To dispel some myths any type of dom/sub, master slave relationship usually does go through several rounds of negotiations on acceptable types of play and what boundaries are okay to cross or not.

It is also usually assumed that just because I am a submissive does not make me YOUR submissive nor does you being a dom make you MY dom. Normal relationship structures do still apply.

To get back to my point with 50 Shades... it over simplifies. Even within the bdsm communities there are great debates on types of play, if safe words should be used or if all play should be risk aware once a dom/sub relationship is established.  There are protocol debates on EVERYTHING.

Don't assume. Ask questions. Get over the idea that sex should just be for straight people in a loving relationship who want to have kids. You'll be a lot happier. Trust me.

Blessed Imbolc

On February 2nd we celebrate the first right of spring known as Imbolc or Candlemass.

In Celtics based traditions it is the time of year that honors the coming of the light. The days get noticeably longer, the candles for the rest of spring and the seeds for the next planting season as well as the blessing of the growing season ahead.

So for my own life I am a solitary practitioner in several areas. I am working through the process of joining a cyber coven that celebrates the diversity of our world. There are two distinct groups I am interviewing with and learning from.

In my regular life I am moving to a smaller clinic next week. I have also been blessed with the chance to develop friendships that stalled during the healing from my divorce and the death of my grandmother. I am grateful for the opportunities I am being gifted with to show my growth through my behaviors and by starting to write out what I have learned so far.

I look forward to the light growing in my life as I continue to heal the broken pieces. I appreciate all of you who are on this journey with me.

Blessed Be.

My Basic Understanding of the Eleusinian Mysteries

My basic understanding of the Eleusinian Mysteries

My first introduction to greek mythology was in the 7^th grade and Mr. Edgil’s literature class. We read Edith Hamilton’s Mythology class. I remember the basic story.

Demeter couldn’t find her daughter Persephone. Persephone had been kidnapped by Hades. Zeus helped convince Hades to release Persephone but Hades had convinced Persephone to eat some of the pomegranate fruit. Demeter consented to let Persephone stay with Hades for part of the year.

 I don’t remember much other than starting to ask why we didn’t still worship the old ones. (Keep in mind this was in the beginning of my Jesus freak stage but the seed was sown. )

Fast forward to Minneapolis the year 1996. I had been attending college at Minneapolis Community College and hanging out at the Amazon bookstore at the edge of Loring park. I had just started studying Dianic Wicca and reading the works of Z Budapest and Fionna Morgan. When I moved out of my parents house and into my first apartment, I held my first solitary ritual honoring the Demeter and Persephone without really understanding what I was doing. I lit a candle, did a self-blessing ritual and ate a pomegranate.

18 years and several initiations later, I am not sure if I have a deeper understanding or just a better context for an agrarian cycle based culture and rituals that honor that cycle.

I spent the early years of my life on a farm. My father was a nursery man and grew dwarf fruit trees. He also raised a small amount of animals that were our food. Like most farm families, in the spring and summer months your time is spent outside preparing fields, sowing crops, and tending to the vegetable garden beds and animal raising. After the harvest, the activities turn indoors to crafting, food storage, and other projects that can be done indoors. Then, at some point it gets warm again and the season shifts focus to the outdoors again.

It’s our experience that informs us about our world. The Eleusinian mysteries are based entirely on that process of seasonal change and how they inform us about life, death, and rebirth. The wheel of the year.

I find it interesting that as we grow in our understanding of the world around us, our understanding of the ancient world and mythology changes as well.

For Instance Hades is still Lord of the Underworld and the Dead but as we understand how the fertile earth affects our economy and how earth becomes fertile he also starts becoming the patron of wealth and power in addition to death and what happens after we die.

As we delve into our own experience of being a rebellious child, we develop the understanding that Persephone could have been walking in her own power. We get this idea that she is willingly seeking out Hades to get a better understanding of the mysteries of life and death that our parents try to shield us from. However, just because the daughter may have willingly gone off with her bad boy, it does not invalidate the perception of the parent that she was kidnapped or taken against her will.

There is always more than one view of the story. That is a mystery in its own right.

For my own self, I have been going through a transformation process. It is almost a year that I left my family and coven. I have cocooned myself to grieve, heal and let go. While normally resurrection stories more happen in the spring, mine seems to be happening now. Relationships that were dead or dying or coming back to life and there are new relationships that are being born to see what will be. Like a phoenix rising from the ashes, the ashes of my life have done its job to fertilize and strengthen what remains and I rise again. Ready to do my own celebrating with not just Hades but Dionysus as well, honoring the harvest that is.

Blessed Be.

Comming soon for Mabon

The Fall Equinox is a few days away, on the 21st.

I am being drawn this season to study the greeks and specifically the Elusian Mysteries. So revisiting Demeter, Persephone, and Hades soon.

Each year, as I grow in my own understanding of things I am in awe how simple yet complex mythology is.

This year, I am celebrating quite a lot so it might be time to talk about Bacchus and the Wild Women too. 

I am reminded of some of the early books from the dianic movement by Fionna Morgan. My mantra right now is "Wild women, they don't get the blues."

More this weekend as I have time to study and write. Maybe even a solitary ritual or three.

Blessed Be!

Magic and manifestation

Mabon, the fall equinox is almost upon us. A time of balance between light and dark. The annual local signs are upon us.

School has started in several districs this last week.  The Minnesota Rennisance Festival is well underway and today the State Fair has started with everything imaginable on a stick. I could wax long about mini donoughts and fried cheese curds but I will save you the melodrama of a junk food junkie...

Around the Leaky Cauldron I would love to say I am a flurry of activity but that is not the case and I am okay with that. Healing a scratch on my eye and an ulcer on my right big toe is the order of the day. Relearning how to play the piano is my main activity outside of work as well as being more proactive about addressing my own depression and emotional healing process.

As a result, I have decided to start a 21 day reiki attunement process to deal specifically with depression issues.  I am also choosing to work with a face of the goddess that I haven't in too long and she is doing what I needed her to do: give me a swift kick in the butt to get over myself already.

I love working with Epona when I need to balance out my physical activity. In this instance the urge to be inclusive and a hermit and balancing the demands of my job as a customer service professional and that I am in a very social/active family.  When I work with her I usually use white candles and bergamont oil.

As much as I talk about sending energy to issues I want to talk a bit about what magic actually does.

Magic helps us manifest the reality that we want to have happen. Magic is the most sucessfull when it is focused on ourselves (There is that who pesky free will thing involved with other people.) Unless you are willing to change your interior and exterior reality magic is futil. To quote the Charge of the Goddess, "you will never find without until you find it within."

So how do you challenge yourself?

When I was actively counseling others, I was introduced to a process called Brief Therapy. I use it successfully to this day.

The process is: asking yourself if..
If your life was perfect, how would it look?
What would realistically need to happen in order for it to manifest?
What is one thing you can do right now to move in that direction?

When I am in my ritual time, this is largely what I am doing. I am connecting with the divine and honoring divinity in me. Then I am usually doing some sort of work to manifest the reality I want.

So, for instance I am working on my active depression. What does that mean?
Extreem self care. Making sure I am getting enough calories and enough of the right calories.
Sleeping when I need to.
Stepping back and reevaluating whatever it is I am angry or upset with.

I will soon be getting a light box to assist with the seasonal loss of light aspect of things. I will also be focusing on some home improvement things as time and money become available.

Is it a perfect process. Not always. I am human. I screw up. I allow my anger, pride, and shame to get in the middle of things. However, those are the times I work the AA solgans like "Progress not Perfection." Forgive myself and others and move along. Its all we can ever do.

So as we head deeper into fall: ask yourself what are you doing to help bring balance into your life?

Blessed Be!